Sigh. You ever have friends and family that you want to help out, but just can’t in any way besides listening?
I have a parent and a best friend in Florida both dealing with the same job issues. Ownership/management has changed at both their workplaces, and the higher-ups are bringing down their hammers hard on them. They (my mom and best friend) are trying to do their best work, but are very stressed out.
My father is the breadwinner of our household, so he’s holding most of our financial burdens on his shoulders. He has a few health issues that I think would be helped out if he didn’t have to stress over money all the time.
Then, I have a grandmother who retired a few years ago, and almost as soon as she retired, she started having problems with her balance & memory, and she became depressed and withdrawn on top of that. Found out she has what is called encephalitis, which is irritation and swelling of the brain. A procedure was done to draw fluid off of her brain, and it really didn’t help much. So that basically means she’s going to deteriorate as a result of this, though it’s been happening slowly. That might or might not be a good thing.
Then, my other best friend who lives somewhere in Europe is dealing with a lot of heavy personal matters. She always has been, actually. She’s trying to move forward and I’m trying to help her through moral support over the internet, but the government over there is making it a bit difficult for her. As a result of her personal matters, she can’t work without extreme anxiety, so she’s signed up for something that is the equivalent of unemployment (though not quite the same thing— hard to explain properly). But the government thinks she can, so they keep withholding and then restarting her benefits, which I’m guessing she can only do so many times before they just stop.
The point is, these are all people I care about a lot, and I have absolutely no way to help them fix their problems because I have yet to fix my own. Sure, I’m working hard on getting good grades and completing my master’s degree program, but I don’t know that it will change my current situation and lead to anything promising or solid. I still live with my parents, I’m jobless (though by choice this time for schooling purposes), I’m about to enter another decade of life (I won’t dare say the number, but I think you can guess), and I’m broke and in debt with (federal) student loans I could never begin to pay off because I’ve been unemployed or underemployed for the past few years of my life. The only things I can do for my family and friends is give them a listening ear and help out at home with chores. That’s it.
Money would fix most of these issues. If I had the money, my mother and Florida friend could leave their stressful jobs and either start their own businesses or retire. My father could do the same and be less financially stressed. Even in the case of my UK bestie and grandmother, my friend wouldn’t have financial stress to deal with on top of everything else, and we could visit my grandmother more often and keep her company if we had money to travel.
It’s just frustrating to see loved ones struggle and not be able to do much of anything about it, because I’m struggling too. I’m always struggling, emotionally and financially. I’ve struggled for most of my adult life. And I only mean adult in age and thought, not lifestyle. I don’t feel like an adult, nor do I look like one or live like one (again, jobless, living with immediate family, borrowed car, etc.). I hate it. I’ve complained about it before, but I’m complaining yet again because it’s not just keeping me from fulfilling my potential, it’s keeping me from being of the utmost help to those in my inner circle. Not even just the money, but being to emotionally caught up in my own life and trying to deal with and fix my own issues. Too busy with that to give these people all of the emotional attention that I want to give them, in addition to financial help.
Fuck life. That’s all I really want to say to end this post. Fuck. Life.